Heard on the street

Some of my favorite quips

from the "Heard on the Street" column

in TimeOut Chicago magazine.

Some people are seriously RIDICULOUS.
And I love it. :)

You have your inappropriate...

• "I thought South Africa was like the Lincoln Park of Africa." "There is no Lincoln Park of Africa."
• Why do lesbians today look so much like 90's emo boys?
• That kid's a future slut, fo' sho.
• White people drink the shit out of wine and we smoke the f- out of some Newports.

You have your overt sexual raunch...

• Could it be I'm having a sexual awakening because I'm attracted to so many people on American Idol?
• Tonight's the last night I'm allowing myself to beat off.
• Where to girls hide their boobs all winter?
• My d%@$ is the equivalent of Maya Angelou.

Some flat-out grossness...

• Why is a Q-tip caked with wax so satisfying?
• I was almost crippled when I finally got off.
• This guy is kind of a straight Bruce Vilanch, sans the Sally Jessy glasses.

Things that just make you go, "hmmm"...

• I'm 23 with a money tree.
• Stealing from work was so much easier before all this technology.
• This music makes me feel like I'm about to get a colonic.
• Jalapeno scares me.  I'm very white that way.

And straight-up facts...

• Guys have to worry about holding back two things:  tears and boners.
• I don't care how asexual you are; after 30 years on this planet, you have to f#&! something.
• Wow, what a difference caffeine and a dump makes!

Comments of this liking bring me back to the Badger Herald "Shout-outs" section

that I so very much enjoyed during my college days.

Sample {HERE}.

Priceless.