Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Heard on the street

Some of my favorite quips
from the "Heard on the Street" column
in TimeOut Chicago magazine.

Some people are seriously RIDICULOUS.
And I love it. :)

You have your inappropriate...
  • "I thought South Africa was like the Lincoln Park of Africa." "There is no Lincoln Park of Africa."
  • Why do lesbians today look so much like 90's emo boys?
  • That kid's a future slut, fo' sho.
  • White people drink the shit out of wine and we smoke the f- out of some Newports.

You have your overt sexual raunch...
  • Could it be I'm having a sexual awakening because I'm attracted to so many people on American Idol?
  • Tonight's the last night I'm allowing myself to beat off.
  • Where to girls hide their boobs all winter?
  • My d%@$ is the equivalent of Maya Angelou.

Some flat-out grossness...
  • Why is a Q-tip caked with wax so satisfying?
  • I was almost crippled when I finally got off.
  • This guy is kind of a straight Bruce Vilanch, sans the Sally Jessy glasses.

Things that just make you go, "hmmm"...
  • I'm 23 with a money tree.
  • Stealing from work was so much easier before all this technology.
  • This music makes me feel like I'm about to get a colonic.
  • Jalapeno scares me.  I'm very white that way.

And straight-up facts...
  • Guys have to worry about holding back two things:  tears and boners.
  • I don't care how asexual you are; after 30 years on this planet, you have to f#&! something.
  • Wow, what a difference caffeine and a dump makes!

Comments of this liking bring me back to the Badger Herald "Shout-outs" section
that I so very much enjoyed during my college days.
Sample {HERE}.

1 comment:

  1. Please do yourself and go read the Shout Outs on the Badger Herald link today...I believe they are still yesterday's (7.19), but there are some DOOZIES!