Saturday, April 23, 2011

Fort Myers Beach

Last year at this time, Kara and I were relaxing in Fort Myers, FL.
If you're ever there, eat the mussels here
(Happy Hour price of $4.95, a.k.a the best 5 dollars you will ever spend.) 
And if you stick around through the evening hours, you can play wing woman and weed out imbeciles for your hot friend
with the 3-check system:

1.) Bud Lite? Try again.
2.)  Ohio State hat? Not good.
3.) Bore me with your lame ass job description? No, thank you.

And if your incompatibilities don't send him packing,
bidding him adieu like this will always do the trick:
"Bye! Have a nice... life!"

To avoid this lame (and mostly Baby Boomer) crowd,
you're probably better off going here.
Minor league baseball headquarters. 
After a few ML's, you probably won't mind/notice that they're only 20 years old.
(You're on vacation after all.)

My wing work is done when they realize I am married (= major old balls) and an RN
...a.k.a. flirting with me comes to a screeching halt and does a 180 into a mass removal of shoes and flaunting of slivers and callouses. 
"Nurse Bri, what do you think I should do about this?"
(Insert festering blister here.) 
Next thing you know, I'm providing counseling on smoking and chaw cessation. 
I digress...and accept what I've become.
True story.

 Back to day dreaming
about sun-kissed hair
and coconuty skin
and lying on a white sand beach
with nothing to do


(other than sip mid-day Ron Ron juice
out of 1990's Jolly Green Giant coffee mugs
and watch fat, pasty, half-naked, old ladies dig holes in the sand
for their big bootylicious behinds).

Summer, please come soon!
Ok thanks love ya bye,

~ photos via b & anthropolgie~

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